News of the Weird
Didn’t somebody say something about truth being stranger than fiction?
De Agony of De Feet
Vancouver, British Columbia, authorities have identified the owner of one of the sneaker-clad feet that washed up on its shores this year, but the source of five other footsies remains a mystery. Curiously, only one of the four others is a left foot. Which leave at least three clumsy dancers still at large.
Don’t Call Her Ms. Predictability
A phony 79-year-old psychic who went on the lam after bilking a lovelorn local woman out of $200,000 nine years ago was finally brought to justice this year and sentenced to 18 months in jail. One wonders why she bothered to flee. If she really was psychic, shouldn’t she have seen the jail time coming?
He Should’ve Tried His Cloak of Invisibility
A local man speeding in his car last January realized he’d been spotted by the Washington State Patrol, came to a halt, fled and tried to bury the evidence—himself—by burrowing a hole into soft soil and texting his girlfriend to pick him up. The trooper arrested him when he ran for the getaway car.
Give Me Liberty or Give Me Meth
A Bremerton woman’s ATM transaction fee turned out to be more than she expected when she accidentally included a bag of methamphetamine in her deposit envelope. Her service fee? An arrest for felony drug possession. (These days you’d think the banks would appreciate any boost to their coffers!)
If This Were Football, He’d Be Charged with Clipping
In February, Vancouver, Washington, police nabbed a drunk man piloting a riding mower after a low-speed chase topping 3 miles per hour. The driver also tried to run over an officer (who stepped out of the way and grabbed him as he drove past). No word on whether AstroTurf has bought the rights to his story.
Buy It Now! No, Seriously, Please Buy It Now
Contrary to popular belief, you can’t offload everything on eBay. A Washington state ferry and used Seattle public restrooms, for example, are a tough sell. The state could find no takers for the discontinued Chinook ferry, and the city’s first attempt to auction its five high-tech drug dens, er, public toilets (starting bid $89,000 each) drew a similarly silent response. While WSF’s plan sank, the city tried again a month later, eliminating the minimum bid (all commodes must go!). It worked…sort of. The bouquet of shiny toilets, which originally cost $5 million, went for $12,549.
To Create a Thief
Who says television isn’t educational? Watching To Catch a Thief, a cable show aimed at teaching homeowners how to protect their homes from burglars, not only inspired Shad Joseph Griffith of Chehalis to commit nine burglaries and attempted burglaries, it also showed him precisely how to do it. Too bad he neglected to TiVo Escape from Alcatraz.