Sex in our City: Good Advice
We ask two local experts for love, dating and sex advice
A question for Dr. Linda Young, psychologist in private practice in Bellevue, relationship blogger for PsychologyToday.com and consultant on digital technology’s effects on relationships (drlindayoung.com).
Q: What’s the most important advice you give people looking for love via 21st century tools (online dating, social networking, etc.)?
A: Throw out the long laundry list of “perfect mate” criteria or you’ll miss potentially great matches. Get a clear sense of what you bring to the table. Then don’t just look for what you want, but what really complements your personality characteristics, values and level of attractiveness. Present yourself accurately (in your best light), not as you think others want to see you. You may not get as much attention this way but the connections you do eventually make will have more long-term potential. Resiliency in the face of rejection is also a must. Finally, don’t let digital exchanges get too deep before you meet face-to-face or you’ll run the risk of having a fantasy relationship that can’t possibly be sustained in the real world.
A question for Dr. Roger Libby, board certified clinical sexologist (drrogerlibby.com), with a practice in Seattle and Poulsbo.
Q: What’s the most common obstacle couples face when attempting to achieve a healthy, successful relationship—and the best way to surmount it?
A: Finding a balance between work, children and the spousal (or other) relationship. Most could profit from better health habits. To correct the tired overemphasis on work—and sometimes children—time management, exercise, sleep and diet are critical. Less alcohol, fewer prescription drugs and more relaxing leisure time (whatever happened to dating?) contribute to a pleasurable and healthy relationship.