Why Seattle Should Break Up with the Weather

Because good friends butt in when friends are in long-term relationships.

1. Seattle is totally over your bad attitude; but it's all she can talk about. It's beginning to distract her from what's important, like new Fall TV shows and fad vegan diets.

2. You don't support Seattle's hobbies. Except for that one day she tried kite-surfing, you have been quite content for her to sit on the couch all day, agonizing over you on Facebook.

3. We all see the way you look at Portland.

4. She's embarrassed to introduce you to most of her out-of-town friends.

5. You promise all year that you'll bring her a few sunny days; and then you show up late and inappropriately dressed.

6. You're just so obviously immature. Just because you don't have the pressure systems to make real thunderstorms does not excuse random outbursts of ice storms and heat waves.

7. She makes a considerable effort to use responsible, green transportation on the way to work - and you reward her with aggressively chilly mornings.

8. Partly sunny this week and rain on Saturday? Seriously? Way to be defensive.