Heartbeat

A New York State of Mind

A New York State of Mind

The Big Apple is a feast for the senses

I love the Northwest, but there’s no place like New York City. Recently, I was there for some meetings. As I walked from one neighborhood to another, taking in the intellectual stimulation and people-watching, I understood the importance of adopting a New York State of Mind, at least occasionally. Let me explain. To begin, all…

The Therapy Revolution

The Therapy Revolution

 Changing your ability to love, one session at a time

To my mind, some form of counseling or therapy is helpful in preparation for meeting someone, in maintenance of a relationship, in repair when relationships stall or shatter, and in support when you have to start the whole dance over again.

Photo by Glasshouse Images/Getty

Gender-Bending  in the Wilderness

Gender-Bending in the Wilderness

Intense outdoor trip defied conventions

I had confidence in the team, even though this river had rapids that were rated as Class III and IV (translation: a little hair-raising and you get really wet), but I had taken a similar journey with the same company more than 15 years ago, so I knew there was going to be an emphasis on safety, and it would be exciting and well-executed. That said, I was nervous, though I wasn’t sure that my back and bladder were going to be as accommodating as they had been some years ago.

Aging Well Really Is The Best Revenge

Aging Well Really Is The Best Revenge

We can all learn something from the late Tina Turner

I’m bothered by the term “aging gracefully,” whatever that means. I think a better phrase is “aging dynamically,” being your vital, wisest self, a carefully-curated product of living and learning over many years. I know. I am not trying to be Sally Sunshine here and overlook the harsher aspects of being in the third and…

The Good News About Size

The Good News About Size

It's true: it really doesn't matter

Well, let’s suppose, just for a moment, that bigger is better. I say “just for a moment” because I don’t actually think there are any data to support the idea that bigger penises are more talented, satisfying or even more handsome. They are, however, culturally admired and many men, and some women, fetishize size and…

Heartbeat: When Hearts and Heads Collide

Heartbeat: When Hearts and Heads Collide

Perhaps everyone has heard the saying that goes something like “to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results is the definition of crazy.” We all smile knowingly, perhaps even smugly. Of course, that’s true. But we shouldn’t be so smug because if that’s the definition of crazy, we are all…

Heartbeat: Why Your Spouse Should Be More like a Dog

Heartbeat: Why Your Spouse Should Be More like a Dog

We could all learn loyalty, love and understanding

As many of you know, I am considered a relationship expert, and from time to time, I like to write a column about the discoveries that keep happening as I listen in and give feedback to couples and singles about love. But for this column, I want to talk about what I think may be…

Heartbeat: Pay For What?

Heartbeat: Pay For What?

The invasion of the transactional body snatchers

Lest you think I am alerting you unnecessarily, let me reassure you that when I heard about this, I gasped.  GASPED! But perhaps you will gasp, too, unless, of course, you knew this all along. What I am referring to is a new culture in dating that looks an awful lot like it’s turning female daters into,…

Heartbeat: Defrosting Seattle. It’s time to become more friendly.

Heartbeat: Defrosting Seattle. It’s time to become more friendly.

The Seattle Freeze versus the Nashville Warm

So, this column is not so much about the Seattle Freeze, but the Nashville Warm. And how I came to be frozen and how I hope to melt. When I first came to Seattle, I realized that I had to cool down. I grew up in Chicago and went to school in the Midwest and…

Heartbeat: How Corvin Saved My Marriage

Heartbeat: How Corvin Saved My Marriage

There are many ways to further your own happiness

Well, of course the headline is an overstatement, but really, this column is all about finding a way to cope with differences about things you love to do that are deeply satisfying to you but will not, or cannot, be shared with your partner. So how does Corvin fit in here? Corvin is this great…

Heartbeat: The Marriage Malaise

Heartbeat: The Marriage Malaise

Marriage rates are as low as they’ve been in a century. Here’s why it matters.

Is marriage becoming a bridge too far? I’ve been thinking about marriage lately. Or non-marriage, as it turns out. The stats for the last couple of years show fewer people marrying than a decade ago, people marrying later, and that while married people are happier than unmarried people, surveys show they are not as happy…

Heartbeat: Let’s Talk. Or Not.

Heartbeat: Let’s Talk. Or Not.

Is conversation a lost art? The younger generation prefers texting over talking.

Welcome to my world! This is my first column (to be followed by others and podcasts). I spend a lot of time thinking about intimate relationships. If you’ve read any of my previous work as a professor at the University of Washington, or watched me on television, you know that I care about what keeps…

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