As the effects of climate change continue to be felt across the nation, Washington and Massachusetts have just announced an innovative trade deal to help combat it in their states.
Governor Jay Inslee's office released a statement today revealing that he has reached a deal with Governor Charlie Baker of Massachusetts to buy 2,000 tons of the Eastern state's snow, which has accumulated to record levels in the northeastern states. In exchange, Washington will provide 300 inflated footballs to the New England Patriots, who were discovered during the AFC championship game against the Indianapolis Colts in January to have difficulties keeping their footballs inflated to the proper amount.
Washington has struggled with a severe shortage of snowfall this Winter, while the states of New England have been burdened with too much.
Earlier this week, the Summit and Alpental ski resorts near Seattle posted on their website that they are now "temporarily closed until the slopes can be repaired with man and machine power or mother nature blesses us with significant snowfall." Meanwhile, Boston residents have had to ski, sled, and snowshoe their way to work and school frequently over the last few months.
Pacific Northwest skiers, snowboarders, and sledders are overjoyed at the news.
"With no snow this year, I've been forced to get my exercise by hiking, biking, and walking in 60 degree weather," says Seattle-area resident Jinny Scintera. "I'm going positively stir-crazy!"
Boston-area residents are equally excited at their ability to begin driving with wild abandon again. "It's not nearly as much fun cutting off snowshoers," says Natick native Blake Flanagan.
Although not direct beneficiaries of the deal, fans of the Indianapolis Colts have taken to social media to express their enthusiasm for the trade using the hashtag #SnowForFootballs. Pawnee, IN resident and Colts fan @bobbyknightranger tweeted about the news, "Level playing field next year, #Patriots! We're going to make you cry like you're at a funeral or the Grand Canyon. #ColtsNation #SnowForFootballs".
Seattle football fans are not quite as happy: Inslee was unsuccessful in his attempt to add an amendment to the deal that would allow the Seattle Seahawks to re-do their universally reviled, strategically unsupportable, and unbelievably ridiculous last play call of Superbowl XLIV.
Note: this piece is satirical. No skiers, bikers or footballs were harmed during the writing of this article.